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A neurosis is a secret that you don't know you are keeping. - Kenneth Tynan

I believe that professional wrestling is clean and everything else in the world is fixed. - Frank Deford

Where all think alike, no one thinks very much. - Walter Lippmann

It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. - Bertrand Russell

Kissing is a means of getting two people so close together that they can't see anything wrong with each other. - Rene Yasenek

The pleasures of ignorance are as great, in their way, as the pleasures of knowledge. - Aldous Huxley

Men may not get all they pay for in this world; but they must certainly pay for all they get. - Frederick Douglas

Before we work on artificial intelligence why don't we do something about natural stupidity? - Steve Polyak

One must have a good memory to be able to keep the promises one makes. - Friedrich Nietzsche

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief. - Gerry Spence

Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard. - H. L. Mencken

The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another, and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it. - James M. Barrie

Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep. - Fran Lebowitz

When ideas fail, words come in very handy. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

He's simply got the instinct for being unhappy highly developed. - Saki

Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell. - Robert Byrne

There are two ways to slide easily through life; to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking. - Alfred Korzybski

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. - Jules Renard

An economist is a surgeon with an excellent scalpel and a rough-edged lancet, who operates beautifully on the dead and tortures the living. - Nicholas Chamfort

I have a simple philosophy. Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. - Winston Churchill

If you cannot answer a man's argument, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names. - Elbert Hubbard

Don't get your knickers in a knot. Nothing is solved and it just makes you walk funny. - Kathryn Carpenter

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

Seize opportunity by the beard, for it is bald behind. - Bulgarian Proverb

The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority. - Ralph W. Sockman

If you believe everything you read, better not read. - Japanese Proverb

Contrary to general belief, I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like best, they are merely the people who got there first. - Peter Ustinov

Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth. - Peter Ustinov

It snowed last year too: I made a snowman and my brother knocked it down and I knocked my brother down and then we had tea. - Dylan Thomas

The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money. - David Richerby

Democracy is two wolves and a lamb deciding what to have for dinner. Liberty is a well-armed lamb. - Benjamin Franklin

Perhaps misguided moral passion is better than confused indifference. - Iris Murdoch

It does not make much difference what you study, as long as you don't like it. - Finley Peter Dunne

If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you. - Muhammed Al

The trouble with too many people is they believe the realm of truth always lies within their vision. - Abraham Lincoln

It is a great ability to be able to conceal one's ability. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth. - Rex Stout

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. - Steve Martin

In heaven all the interesting people are missing. - Friedrich Nietzsche

Editor: a person employed by a newspaper, whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed. - Elbert Hubbard

Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when they are wearing dark glasses and have streamers in their antlers because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot. - Ellen DeGeneres

Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long. - Ogden Nash

A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel. - Robert Frost

I've decided that the key to happiness is low expectations. - Laura Moncu

I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. - Joe Walsh

Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. - Ambrose Bierce

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. - Robert Frost

I think that the insane desire one has sometimes to bang and kick grumblers and peevish persons is a Divine instinct. - Robert Hugh Benson

You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in. - Arlo Guthrie

Most advances in science come when a person for one reason or another is forced to change fields. - Peter Borden

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. - Dave Barr

People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first. - David H. Comins

It is admirable for a man to take his son fishing, but there is a special place in heaven for the father who takes his daughter shopping. - John Sinor

Things may come to those who wait, but only things left by those who hustle. - Abraham Lincoln

The first point of wisdom is to discern that which is false; the second, to know that which is true. - Lactantius

Talent may be in time forgiven, but genius never. - Lord Byron

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. - Napoleon Bonaparte

If you're a misfit within a group of misfits, does that mean you're actually popular and normal? - Laura Preble

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?' - Don Marquis

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it. - Russel Lynes

Mathematics may be defined as the subject in which we never know what we are talking about, nor whether what we are saying is true. - Bertrand Russell

The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is inefficiency. An efficient bureaucracy is the greatest threat to liberty. - Eugene McCarthy

Children are all foreigners. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well. - Joe Ancis

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. - George Bernard Shaw

Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists agrees on something or other, reach for your wallet, because you're being had. - Michael Crichton

Perpetual devotion to what a man calls his business, is only to be sustained by perpetual neglect of many other things. - Robert Louis Stevenson

I say that a man must be certain of his morality for the simple reason that he has to suffer for it. - G. K. Chesterton

It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them. - Pierre Beaumarchais

It is easier to stay out than get out. - Mark Twain

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do. - Jean-Paul Sartre

The best minds are not in government. If any were, business would hire them away. - Ronald Reagan

Absence :That common cure of love. - Miguel de Cervantes

Saintliness is also a temptation. - Jean Anouilh

Festination may prove precipitation, deliberating delay may be wise cunctation. - Sir Thomas Browne

It takes a certain courage and a certain greatness to be truly base. - Jean Anouilh

Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited. - Ambrose Bierce

He who hesitates is probably right. – Bogovich

In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved. - Samuel Butler

God creates out of nothing. Wonderful you say. Yes, to be sure, but he does what is still more wonderful: he makes saints out of sinners. - Soren Kierkegaard

A good man in an evil society seems the greatest villain of all. - English proverb

Tongue may muddle up and say the truth. - Azerbaijani proverb

The worst vice of a fanatic is his sincerity. - Oscar Wilde

Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace. - Robert J. Sawyer

Boredom is a vital problem for the moralist, since half the sins of mankind are caused by the fear of it. - Bertrand Russell

My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it. - Buddy Hackett

I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice. - Abraham Lincoln

Until you've lost your reputation, you never realize what a burden it was. - Margaret Mitchell

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. - Rita Rudner

Food is an important part of a balanced diet. - Fran Lebowitz

The point of living and of being an optimist, is to be foolish enough to believe the best is yet to come. - Peter Ustinov

In certain kinds of writing, particularly in art criticism and literary criticism, it is normal to come across long passages which are almost completely lacking in meaning. - George Orwell

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. - Douglas Adams

The first condition of immortality is death. - Stanislaw J. Lec

The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause. - Mark Twain

There is no moral precept that does not have something inconvenient about it. - Denis Diderot

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature.... Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. - Helen Keller

The gods are just, and of our pleasant vices -Make instruments to plague us - William Shakespeare

Curious things, habits. People themselves never knew they had them. - Agatha Christie

A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment. - Willis Player

It is surely one of nature's jokes that she so often gives an abundance of self confidence to those who are not analytical and withholds even a smidgen of it from those who are. - Patricia Pumphrey

I have to be wrong a certain number of times in order to be right a certain number of times. However, in order to be either, I must first make a decision. - Frank N. Giampietro

The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success. - Bruce Feirstein

When a dog runs at you, whistle for him. - Henry David Thoreau

It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to-day basis. - Margaret Bonnano

Silence is golden when you can't think of a good answer. - Muhammad Ali

That is what learning is. You suddenly understand something you've understood all your life, but in a new way. - Doris Lessing

Learning is not compulsory... neither is survival. - W. Edwards Deming

Much learning does not teach understanding. - Heraclitus

Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous. - Confucius

You are young, my son, and, as the years go by, time will change and even reverse many of your present opinions. Refrain therefore awhile from setting yourself up as a judge of the highest matters. - Plato

All marriages are mixed marriages. - Chantal Saperstein

My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of the pessimists. - Jean Rostand

After all, one knows one's weak points so well, that it's rather bewildering to have the critics overlook them and invent others. - Edith Wharton

My definition of an expert in any field is a person who knows enough about what's really going on to be scared. - P. J. Plauger

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. - Fran Lebowitz

An optimist stays up to see the New Year in. A pessimist waits to make sure the old one leaves. - Bill Vaughan

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip. - Will Rogers

If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much. - Donald H. Rumsfeld

** Election Special **

After two years in Washington, I often long for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood.- Fred Thompson

Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under. - H. L. Mencken

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong. - Voltaire

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. - Will Rogers

Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. - Tom Robbins

Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest men in national government too. - Richard M. Nixon

The government consists of a gang of men exactly like you and me. They have, taking one with another, no special talent for the business of government; they have only a talent for getting and holding office. - H. L. Mencken

There is no nonsense so arrant that it cannot be made the creed of the vast majority by adequate governmental action. - Bertrand Russell

For every action there is an equal and opposite government program. - Bob Wells

You will find that the State is the kind of organization which, though it does big things badly, does small things badly, too. - John Kenneth Galbraith

------------------------- Thanks for your Indulgence --------------------------

All of us learn to write in the second grade. Most of us go on to greater things. - Bobby Knight

What happens when the future has come and gone? - Robert Half

Society, my dear, is like salt water, good to swim in but hard to swallow. - Arthur Stringer

I don't like composers who think. It gets in the way of their plagiarism. - Howard Dietz

There is not any memory with less satisfaction than the memory of some temptation we resisted. - James Branch Cabell

I might repeat to myself slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound - if I can remember any of the damn things. - Dorothy Parker

People who have no weaknesses are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them. - Anatole France

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. - Bertrand Russell

Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists? - Kelvin Throop III

Now I know what a statesman is; he's a dead politician. We need more statesmen. - Bob Edwards

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure? - Harry Shearer

Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it. - Cullen Hightower

That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another... - Charles M. Schulz

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. - Ernest Benn

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. - Plato

A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices. - William James

A friend is a person who knows you but loves you just the same. - Elbert Hubbard

Ability will never catch up with the demand for it. - Malcolm Forbes

A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way. - John Tudor

Martyrdom... is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability. - George Bernard Shaw

Worries go down better with soup than without. - Jewish Proverb

I would be willing to bet that if one day a woman walked barefoot to the moon and back and a man cleaned out his desk, when the two of them sat down to dinner that night he would say, 'Boy was that desk a mess.' - Margo Kaufman

A pessimist? That's a person who has been intimately acquainted with an optimist. - Elbert Hubbard

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. - Thomas Jones

The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we have of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us. - Quentin Crisp

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas? - Jean Kerr

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. - Jerry Seinfeld

What has a man's face to do with his character? Can a man of good character help having a disagreeable face? - Ann Radcliffe

I have learnt silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers. - Kahlil Gibran

No one gossips about other people's secret virtues. - Bertrand Russell

Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway. - Elbert Hubbard

He who has a thousand friends has not a friend to spare and he who has one enemy will meet him everywhere. - Ali ibn-Abi-Talib

When you play, play hard; when you work, don't play at all. - Theodore Roosevelt

The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can. - Margo Kaufman

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months - Oscar Wilde

Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy. - Ambrose Bierce

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. - Albert Einstein

We used to think that if we knew one, we knew two, because one and one are two. We are finding that we must learn a great deal more about 'and'. - Sir Arthur Eddington

Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago - Bernard Berenson

Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another. - H. L. Mencken

A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents. - Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

I don't answer the phone. I get the feeling whenever I do that there will be someone on the other end. - Fred Couples

The one real object of education is to have a man in the condition of continually asking questions. - Bishop Mandell Creighton

The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be. - Paul Valery

If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise.- Robert Fritz

Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it. - Salvador Dali

Maturity is only a short break in adolescence. - Jules Feiffer

Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood. - H L Mencken

A little learning is a dangerous thing but a lot of ignorance is just as bad. - Bob Edwards

Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with. - Bob Wells

If we knew what we were doing it would not be called research, would it? - Albert Einstein

History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon. - Napoleon Bonaparte

The only good ideas are the ones I can take credit for. - R. Stevens

There is an evil tendency underlying all our technology - the tendency to do what is reasonable even when it isn't any good. - Robert Pirsig

Getting fired is nature's way to telling you that you had the wrong job in the first place. - Hal Lancaster

We welcome passion, for the mind is briefly let off duty. - Mignon McLaughlin

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, And that's what parents were created for. - Odgen Nash

Great steps in human progress are made by things that don't work the way philosophy thought they should.  If things always worked the way they should, you could write the history of the world from now on.  But they don't, and it is those deviations from the normal that make human progress. - Charles F. Ketting

The only time to buy these is on a day with no 'y' in it. - Warren Buffet

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty.  She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. - Ellen DeGeneres

Never have children, only grandchildren. - Gore Vidal

It's easy to make a buck.  It's a lot tougher to make a difference. - Tom Brokaw

The reason angels can fly is because they take themselves lightly. - G.K. Chesterton

You have all the characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a vulgar manner. - Aristophanes

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style. - Quentin Crisp

What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising? Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public; ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the public. - Vilhjalmur Stefansson

I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them. - Jane Austen

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it. - Steven Wright

Content makes poor men rich; discontentment makes rich men poor. - Benjamin Franklin

The secret of happiness is to make others believe they are the cause of it. - Al Batt

It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. -Jerome K. Jerome

Perhaps the world's second worst crime is boredom. The first is being a bore. - Sir Cecil Beaton

It's what you learn after you know it all that counts. - Harry S. Truman

The condition of perfection is idleness: the aim of perfection is youth. - Oscar Wilde

So much of what we call management consists in making it difficult for people to work. - Peter Drucker

The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next. - Mignon McLaughlin

I'm not sure I want popular opinion on my side -- I've noticed those with the most opinions often have the fewest facts. - Bethania McKenstry

I say that a man must be certain of his morality for the simple reason that he has to suffer for it. - G. K. Chesterton

Democracy is not the law of the majority but protection of the minority. - Albert Camus

We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon. - Konrad Adenauer

The chief obstacle to the progress of the human race is the human race. - Donald Marquis

Inspiration may be a form of superconsciousness, or perhaps of subconsciousness - I wouldn't know. But I am sure it is the antithesis of self- consciousness. - Aaron Copland

Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons. - Bertrand Russell

The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass. - Martin Mull

Boyhood, like measles, is one of those complaints which a man should catch young and have done with, for when it comes in middle life it is apt to be serious. - P. G. Wodehouse

Not every story has explosions and car chases. That's why they have nudity and espionage. - Bill Barnes and Gene Ambaum

There are some defeats more triumphant than victories. - Michel de Montaigne

Law is mind without reason. - Aristotle

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. - Woody Allen

Vegetarianism is harmless enough, though it is apt to fill a man with wind and self-righteousness. - Sir Robert Hutchinson

Only the shallow know themselves. - Oscar Wilde

Do give books - religious or otherwise - for Christmas. They're never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal. - Lenore Hershey

Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status. - Laurence J. Peter

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants. - A. Whitney Brown

The feeling of having done a job well is rewarding; the feeling of having done it perfectly is fatal. - Donley Feddersen

Nothing relieves and ventilates the mind like a resolution. - John Burroughs

Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have. - Harry Emerson Fosdick

Plans are only good intentions unless they immediately degenerate into hard work. - Peter Drucker

We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess. - Mark Twain

There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it. - George Bernard Shaw

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.- Calvin Trillin

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. - Fletcher Knebel

Historically, the claim of consensus has been the first refuge of scoundrels; it is a way to avoid debate by claiming that the matter is already settled. - Michael Crichton

Always behave like a duck - keep calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle like the devil underneath. - Jacob Braude

If you woke up breathing, congratulations!  You have another chance. - Andrea Boydston

Politicians are like diapers.  They both need changing regularly and for the same reason. - Anon

It is not economical to go to bed early to save the candles if the result is twins. - Chinese Proverb

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is. - Francis Bacon

I believe humans get a lot done, not because we're smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee. - Flash Rosenberg

Philosophy will clip an angel's wings. - John Keats

I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota. - Fran Lebowitz

How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live. - Henry David Thoreau

Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman. Believing what he read made him mad. - Georg Bernard Shaw

Events in the past may be roughly divided into those which probably never happened and those which do not matter. - William Ralph Inge

It is said that power corrupts, but actually it's more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power. - David Brin

Drive thy business or it will drive thee. - Benjamin Franklin

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income. - Errol Flynn

It is not worth an intelligent man's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that. - GH Hardy

The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on. - Joseph Heller

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. - Anthony Burgess

Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness.  - Richard Carlson

No matter what happens... somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.  - Dave Barry

We should all be concerned about the future because we will have to spend the rest of our lives there.  - Charles F. Kettering

I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell. - Harry S Truman

I see it all perfectly:  there are two possibilities, one can either do this or do that.  My honest opinion and friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it, you will regret both.  - Kierkegaard

Let us be grateful to the mirror for revealing to us our appearance only.  - Samuel Butler

I'm very pleased with each advancing year. It stems back to when I was forty. I was a bit upset about reaching that milestone, but an older friend consoled me. 'Don't complain about growing old - many, many people do not have that privilege.' - Earl Warren

It is the spirit and not the form of law that keeps justice alive. - Earl Warren

Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality. - Oscar Wilde

Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation. - Kin Hubbard

The future is here. It's just not widely distributed yet. - William Gibson

To be conscious that you are ignorant is a great step to knowledge. - Benjamin Disraeli

It only takes 20 years for a liberal to become a conservative without changing a single idea. - Robert Auton Wilson

Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing. - Wertner von Braun

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays. - Henny Youngman

Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand. - Putt's Law

Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia.  - Judith Viorst

It's a damn poor mind that can think of only one way to spell a word.  - Andrew Jackson

The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public.  - Phyllis Diller

The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread. - Anatole France

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things. - Jilly Cooper

I hate women because they always know where things are. - James Thurber

In wildness is the preservation of the world. - Henry David Thoreau

When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence. - Brendon Behan

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. - HL Mencken

Think much, speak little, and write less. - Italian Proverb

If youth only knew: if age only could. - Henri Etienne

Ignorance gives one a large range of probabilities. - George Elliot

Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person? - Francois de la Rochefoucauld

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from a religious conviction. - Blaise Pascal

Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win. - Sun Tzu

There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness. - Josh Billings

An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible. - Alfred A. Knopf

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. - Philip K. Dick

Complaining is good for you as long as you're not complaining to the person you're complaining about. - Lynn Johnston

"Heredity", is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other. - Laurence J. Peter

Predominant opinions are generally the opinions of the generation that is vanishing. - Benjamin Disraeli

It is human nature to think wisely and act foolishly. - Anatole France

The prime purpose of eloquence is to keep other people from talking. - Louis Vermeil

Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives. - Maurice Chevalier

The only people who find what they are looking for in life are the fault finders. - Foster's Law

The tragedy is when you've got sex in the head instead of down where it belongs. - D.H. Lawrence

And remember, no matter where you go, there you are. - Confucius

If your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt. - Henry J. Kaiser

There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. - Clint Eastwood

Sexually,we are all competing for the same seat on the bus and the thing that holds it together is the tightly held conceit that we are all sexual gods. How can I believe in my own uniqueness when there's a cat out there exactly the same as me? - Jeff Melvoin,

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song, A medley of extemporanea; And love is a thing that can never go wrong; And I am Marie of Romania. - Dorothy Parker

As if you could kill time without injuring eternity. - Henry David Thoreau

Familiarity breeds contempt - and children. - Mark Twain

Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush. - Doug L

Gambling promises the poor what property performs for the rich--something for nothing. - George Bernard Shaw

A desk is a dangerous place from which to watch the world. - John le Carre

I am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to facts. - Mark Twain

I have always felt that a politician is to be judged by the animosities he excites among his opponents. - Sir Winston Churchill

Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see. - Arthur Schopenhauer

The most radical revolutionary will become a conservative the day after the revolution. - Hannah Arendt

I loathe the expression "What makes him tick." It is the American mind, looking for simple and singular solution, that uses the foolish expression. A person not only ticks, he also chimes and strikes the hour, falls and breaks and has to be put together again, and sometimes stops like an electric clock in a thunderstorm. - James Thurber

The conception of two people living together for twenty-five years without having a cross word suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep. - Alan Patrick Herbert

He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas of any man I ever met. - Abraham Lincoln

The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward. - John Maynard Keynes

It is good to be without vices, but it is not good to be without temptations. - Walter Bagehot

Nothing endures but change. - Heraclitus

All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehersed. - Sean O'Casey

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. - Mark Twain

But when a young lady is to be a heroine, the perverseness of forty surrounding families cannot prevent her. Something must and will happen to throw a hero in her way. - Jane Austen,

Open your mouth and purse cautiously, and your stock of wealth and reputation shall, at least in repute, be great. - Johann Georg von Zimmermann

There are too many people, and too few human beings. - Robert Zend

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark. - Dick Gregory

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim. - Edsger W. Dijkstra

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. - Abraham Lincoln

An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support. - John Buchan

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. - Mark Twain

It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err. - Mahatma Gandhi

It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them! - Friedrich Nietzsche

What other people think about me is not my business.- Michael J. Fox

A flatterer is a friend who is your inferior, or pretends to be so. - Aristotle

Only the educated are free. - Epictetus

The only man who wasn't spoiled by being lionized was Daniel. - Beerbohm Tree

When you teach your son, you teach your son's son. - Talmud

Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be there when it happens. - Woody Allen

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. - Will Rogers

Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. - David T. Wolf

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel. - James Thurber

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. - Thomas A. Edison

Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person. - Ethel Mumford

Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. - Mark Twain

I happen to feel that the degree of a person's intelligence is directly reflected by the number of conflicting attitudes she can bring to bear on the same topic. - Lisa Alther

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone. - Bill Cosby

Nothing more completely baffles one who is full of tricks and duplicity than straightforward and simple integrity in another. - Charles Caleb Colton

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye. - Miss Piggy

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. - Herm Albright

Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives. - William Dement

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal. - Oscar Wilde

Glory is like a circle in the water, Which never ceaseth to enlarge itself, Till by broad spreading it disperses to naught. - William Shakespeare

Action is eloquence.- William Shakespeare

My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition. - Indira Gandhi

I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on. - Beryl Pfizer

I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. - George Bush

Only the mediocre are always at their best. - Jean Giraudoux

The spread of evil is the symptom of a vacuum. whenever evil wins, it is only by default: by the moral failure of those who evade the fact that there can be no compromise on basic principles. - Ayn Rand

The significance of man is that he is insignificant and is aware of it. - Carl Becker

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last. - Sir Winston Churchill

How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin. - Ronald Reagan

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. - Steven Wright

I shall remain silent, like a deaf mute who has struck his thumb with a hammer. - Samuel Goldwyn

Unfortunately, the balance of nature decrees that a super-abundance of dreams is paid for by a growing potential for nightmares. - Peter Ustinov

Critics search for ages for the wrong word, which, to give them credit, they eventually find. - Peter Ustinov

The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible. - David M. Ogilvy

The world is full of women blindsided by the unceasing demands of motherhood, still flabbergasted by how a job can be terrific and torturous. - Anna Quindlen

Passion makes the world go round. Love just makes it a safer place. - Ice T

Judge of a man by his questions rather than by his answers. - Voltaire

If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything. - Bill Lyon

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. - Billy Crystal

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love. - Charles M. Schulz

The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop. - P. J. O'Rourke

Poetry often enters through the window of irrelevance. - M. C. Richards

Much speech is one thing, well-timed speech is another. - Sophocles

Time will explain it all. He is a talker, and needs no questioning before he speaks. - Euripides

I think we agree, the past is over. - George W. Bush

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. - Douglas Adams

The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces. - Maureen Murphy

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible. - George Burns

Under every stone lurks a politician. - Aristophanes

No matter how much cats fight, there always seems to be plenty of kittens. - Abraham Lincoln

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. - Lily Tomlin

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled and no-one dares criticize it. - Pierre Gallois

We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are. - Anais Nin

He hasn't an enemy in the world - but all his friends hate him. - Eddie Cantor

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. - Sir Winston Churchill

The foremost, or indeed the sole, condition required in order to succeed in centralizing the supreme power in a democratic community is to love equality or to get men to believe you love it. Thus the science of despotism, which was once so complex, has been simplified and reduced, as it were, to a single principle. - Alexis de Tocqueville

Patience is a necessary ingredient of genius. - Benjamin Disraeli

Joys are bubble-like; what makes them bursts them too. - Philip James Bailey

The world is moving so fast these days that the man who says it can't be done is generally interrupted by someone doing it. - Elbert Hubbard

Humor is a reminder that no matter how high the throne one sits on, one sits on one's bottom. – Taki

Man has to suffer. When he has no real afflictions, he invents some. - Jose Marti

When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. - Chi Chi Rodriguez

If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up. - Tommy Bolt

After God created the world, He made man and woman.  Then, to keep the whole thing from collapsing, He invented humor. - Bill Kelly

Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad. - Norm Papernick

A fine quotation is a diamond on the finger of a man of wit, and a pebble in the hand of a fool. - Joseph Roux

When you hire people that are smarter than you are, you prove you are smarter than they are. - R. H. Grant

To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. - Bernard M. Baruch

Crime does not pay ... as well as politics. - Alfred E. Newman

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. - George Burns

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life. - George Burns

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants. - A. Whitney Brown

Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. - Ambrose Bierce

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. - Fred Allen

In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better. - Ellen DeGeneres

Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win. - Jonathan Kozol

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. - Ian Fleming

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form. - Stanley J. Randall

In the fight between you and the world, back the world. - Frank Zappa

Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one. - A. J. Liebling

The only thing wrong with immortality is that it tends to go on forever. - Herb Caen

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it. - Stephen Leacock

Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility. - James Thurber

To me, it seems a dreadful indignity to have a soul controlled by geography. - George Santayana

In a mad world only the mad are sane. - Akira Kurosawa

The paths of glory at least lead to the grave, but the paths of duty may not get you any where. - James Thurber

If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith. - Albert Einstein

The real hero is always a hero by mistake; he dreams of being an honest coward like everybody else. - Umberto Eco

Humor results when society says you can't scratch certain things in public, but they itch in public. - Tom Walsh

Man was predestined to have free will. - Hal Lee Luyah (pseudonym)

What is patriotism but the love of the food one ate as a child? - Lin Yutang

I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work.  So I do it three or four times a day. - Gene Perret

A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Truly great madness cannot be achieved without significant intelligence. - Henrik Tikkanen

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish. – Aeschylus

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious. - Brendan Gill

I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every other part of my body is broken too.. - Missy Altijd

If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive. - Samuel Goldwyn,

Most of the change we think we see in life is due to truths being in and out of favor. - Robert Frost

Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. - Confucius

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either. - Dick Cavett

By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong. - Charles Wadsworth

If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say 'Heimlich maneuver' when you're choking to death. - Eddie Izzard

When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. - Thomas Szasz

Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog; fewer when pursued by a mad woman; only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion. - Robertson Davies

Never complain about your troubles; they are responsible for more than half of your income. - Robert R. Updegraff

It is terrible to speak well and be wrong. - Sophocles

Better silent and thought a fool then speak and remove doubt. - AbrahamLincoln

The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession, what there is of it. - Mark Twain

All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income. - Samuel Butler

The truth is more important than the facts. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Politics is the art of preventing people from taking part in affairs which properly concern them. - Paul Valery

We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by. - Will Rogers

Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug. - John Lithgow

Where all think alike, no one thinks very much. - Walter Lippmann

The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off. - Abe Lemons

Under all speech that is good for anything there lies a silence that is better. Silence is deep as Eternity; speech is shallow as Time. - Thomas Carlyle

I'm lazy. But it's the lazy people who invented the wheel and the bicycle because they didn't like walking or carrying things. - Lech Walesa

First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. - Branch Rickey

Assume a virtue, if you have it not. - William Shakespeare

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. - Herbert Asquith

The key is to commit crimes so confusing that police feel too stupid to even write a crime report about them. - Randy K. Milholland

Acting is merely the art of keeping a large group of people from coughing. - Sir Ralph Richardson

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made. - George Burns

Going to trial with a lawyer who considers your whole life-style a Crime in Progress is not a happy prospect. - Hunter S. Thompson

Gifts allow us to demonstrate exactly how little we know about a person. And nothing pisses a person off more than being shoved into the wrong pigeonhole. - Pam Davis

The purpose of life is to fight maturity. - Dick Werthimer

Life is just one damned thing after another. - Elbert Hubbard

It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over. - Edna St. Vincent Millay

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of. - Burt Bacharach

To the complaint, 'There are no people in these photographs,' I respond, 'There are always two people: the photographer and the viewer.' - Ansel Adams

Men love their country, not because it is great, but because it is their own. - Seneca

There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want. - Bill Watterson

Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices. - Laurence J. Peter

It is possible to store the mind with a million facts and still be entirely uneducated. - Alec Bourne

The most profound statements are often said in silence. - Lynn Johnston

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. - Herm Albright

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. - Albert Einstein

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do. - Dale Carnegie

There are some men who lift the age they inhabit, till all men walk on higher ground in that lifetime. - Maxwell Anderson

No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why. - Mignon McLaughlin

Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten. - B. F. Skinner

A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past, he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future. - Sidney J. Harris

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. - H. L. Mencken

Life is a sexually transmitted disease. - R. D. Laing

The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive. - Robert Heinlein

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome. - Isaac Asimov

Adversity introduces a man to himself. - Unknown

The wisdom of one generation will be the folly of the next. - JB Priestley

Everyone has talent at 25. The difficulty is to have it at 50. - Edgar Degas

It is folly to punish your neighbor by fire when you live next door. - Publilius Syrus

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying. - Woody Allen

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it. - Sir Winston Churchill

An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. - H. L. Mencken

Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists. - John Kenneth Galbraith

If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion. - George Bernard Shaw

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood. - Mary Hirsch

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. - Horace Walpole

The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any. - Katharine Whitehorn

A crowd is not company, and faces are but a gallery of pictures, and talk is but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no love. - Francis Bacon

What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong. - Robin Williams

There is one person that is wiser than anybody, and that is everybody. - Talleyrand

Much wisdom often goes with fewest words. - Sophocles

A father is a banker provided by nature. - French Proverb

Tears are often the telescope by which men see far into heaven. -H.W. Beecher

The more laws and order are made prominent, The more thieves and robbers there will be. - Lao-tzu

He who hesitates is sometimes saved. - James Thurber

He who knows others is wise; He who know himself is enlightened. - Lao-tzu

You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic. - Doris Egan

It's always helpful to learn from your mistakes because then your mistakes seem worthwhile. - Garry Marshall

Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one. - Malcolm Forbes

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit. - Aristotle

Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. - Carrie Fisher

An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you do know and what you don't. - Anatole France

We cannot swing up on a rope that is attached only to our own belt. - William Ernest Hocking

The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one's real and one's declared aims, one turns as it were instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms, like a cuttlefish spurting out ink. - George Orwell,

We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over. - Aneurin Bevan

To avoid situations in which you might make mistakes may be the biggest mistake of all. - Peter McWilliams

It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree.- Charles Baudelaire

If you cannot answer a man's argument, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.  - Elbert Hubbard

I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. - Margaret Thatcher

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.  - Douglas Adams

Advertising is the modern substitute for argument; its function is to make the worse appear the better. - George Santayana

Destiny is a name often given in retrospect to choices that had dramatic consequences.- JK Rowling

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. - Douglas Adams

Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.  - Colin Sautar

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.  That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile way and you have their shoes. - Unknown

Maybe this world is another planet's hell.  - Aldous Huxley

Can we actually "know" the universe?  My God, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown.  - Woody Allen

Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.  - Unknown

Lost time is never found again. - Benjamin Franklin

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society.  If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.  - P.J. O'Rourke

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. - Erica Jong

You can't have everything... where would you put it?  - Steven Wright

How come there's only one Monopolies Commission?  - Nigel Rees

A signature always reveals a man's character -  and sometimes even his name.  - Evan Esar

Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.  - Rita Mae Brown

He who believes that the past cannot be changed has not yet written his memoirs.  - Torvald Gahlin

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep. - Scott Adams

Painting is silent poetry. - Plutarch

Painting is poetry that is seen rather than felt, and poetry is painting that is felt rather than seen. - Leonardo da Vinci

All generalizations are bad.  - R.H. Grenier

All my life, I always wanted to be somebody.  Now I see that I should have been more specific.  - Jane Wagner

I've got a great ambition to die of exhaustion rather than boredom. -Angus Grossart

I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love - Mother Teresa

Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.  - Colin Sautar

When you are in Love you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams. - Dr Seuss

The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind -  a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.  - Woody Allen

He's turned his life around.  He used to be depressed and miserable.  Now he's miserable and depressed.  - Harry Kalas, on Garry Maddox

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.  - Arthur McBride Bloch

Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others. - Mark Twain

Talent is that which is in a man's power; genius is that in whose power a man is. - James Russell Lowell

Everyone is a genius at least once a year.  The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together. - Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

Duct tape is like the force.  It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.  - Carl Zwanzig

Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.  - Attributed to both Jason Hutchison and John Benfield

Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.  - H.L. Mencken

If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.  - John Kenneth Galbraith, Money: Whence It Came, Where It Went

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.  It is already tomorrow in Australia.  - Charles Schulz

The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless.  - Nicholas Chamfort

Love your enemies.  It makes them so damned mad.  - P.D. East

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.  - Bill Watterson

An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.  - William Castle

The large print giveth, but the small print taketh away.  - Tom Waits

Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.  - George Adey

The remarkable thing about Shakespeare is that he really is very good, in spite of all the people who say he is very good.  - Graves

Be polite to all, but intimate with few - Thomas Jefferson

If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive  - Samuel Goldwyn

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.  - Fred Allen

Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Hypocrisy is the tribute that vice pays to virtue. - French saying (François de La Rochefoucauld?)

A patient, humble temper gathers blessings that are marred by the peevish and overlooked by the aspiring. - Edwin H. Chapin

I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you’re twenty minutes. - Oscar Wilde

Habits are first cobwebs, then cables. – Spanish saying

If you can control your breath, you can control your mind. If you can control your mind, you can control your life. -Yogi Bhajan

 If you want to learn a thing, read that. If you want to know a thing, write that; if you want to master a thing, teach that. -Yogi Bhajan

The unfortunate thing about this world is that good habits are so much easier to give up than bad ones.  - Somerset Maugham

There are more fools in the world than there are people. - Heinrich Heine

It is one thing to show a man that he is in error, and another to put him in possession of truth. - John Locke

History has its truth; and so has legend hers. - Victor Hugo

The greatest truths are the simplest; and so are the greatest men. - Julius C. Hare

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid. - George Bernard Shaw

I’ve had a wonderful evening - but this wasn’t it. - Groucho Marx

If you shoot for the stars and hit the moon, it's ok. But you've got to shoot for something. A lot of people don't even shoot. - Townsend

Lost time is never found again. - Benjamin Franklin

The man who has begun to live more seriously within begins to live more simply without. - Phillips Brooks

We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon. - Konrad Adenauer

Many of those who tried to enlighten were hanged from the lampposts. - Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

Conscience: A small, still voice that makes minority reports. - Franklin P. Adams

I have always admired the ability to bite off more than one can chew and then chew it.  - William DeMille

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former. - Albert Einstein

An exaggeration is a truth that has lost its temper. - Kahlil Gibran

If you have one pair of good soles it’s better than two pairs of good uppers. - Irish saying

Mediocrity is forgiven more easily than talent. - Emil Krotky

Every one wishes to have truth on his side, but it is not every one that sincerely wishes to be on the side of truth. - Richard Whately

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it. - Oscar Wilde

No pain, no palm; no thorns, no throne; no gall, no glory; no cross, no crown. - Penn

One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him. - Jeffrey Bernard

He who sacrifices his conscience to ambition burns a picture to obtain the ashes. - Chinese Proverb

Men's natures are alike; it is their habits that separate them.  - Confucius

It was a book to kill time for those who like it better dead. - Rose Macaulay

Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. - Martin Luther King Jr

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. - Oscar Wilde

A stupid man’s report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand. - Bertrand Russell

The chains of habit are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.  - Samuel Johnson

Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.  - Mark Twain

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.  - Victor Borge

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. - George Burns

Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change. - Confucius

The psychology of committees is a special case of the psychology of mobs. - Celia Green

In every triumph there's a lot of try. - Frank Tyger

Some deny the existence of misery by pointing to the sun; he denies the existence of the sun by pointing to misery. - Franz Kafka

A mystic hangs a fig leaf on a eunuch. - Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

Conscience, in most men, is but the anticipation of the opinions of others. - Taylor

The truth is not so much that man has conscience, as that conscience has man. - Dorner

Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Since the house is on fire let us warm ourselves. - Italian saying

Life is one long process of getting tired. -Samuel Butler

Soft words butter no parsnips but they won't harden the heart of the cabbage either. - Irish Saying

I am convinced all of humanity is born with more gifts than we know. Most are born geniuses and just get de-geniused rapidly. - Buckminster Fuller

Lost time is never found again. - Benjamin Franklin

Good Art seems ancient to its contemporaries, and modern - to their descendants. -Plutarch

A lie told often enough becomes the truth. - Vladimir Lenin

Let me tell you that every misery I miss is a new blessing. - Izaak Walton

Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone may be looking. - H.L. Mencken

It is not uncommon to commiserate with a stranger's misfortune, but it takes a really fine nature to appreciate a friend's success. - Oscar Wilde

When your legs get weaker time starts running faster. - Mikhail Turovsky

Believe nothing you hear, and only half of what you see. - Mark Twain

Truths are not relative. What are relative are opinions about truth. - Nicolás Gómez Dávila

Conscience is that which hurts when everything else feels good. - George Vavoulis

I can resist everything except temptation. - Oscar Wilde

It is the ordinary women that know something about love. The gorgeous ones are too busy being gorgeous. - Katherine Hepburn

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet. - Stanislaus Lec

I'd rather die while I'm living than live while I'm dead. - Jimmy Buffett

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. - Mark Twain

A book is like a garden carried in the pocket. - Chinese saying

  If you see the teeth of the lion, do not assume the lion is smiling at you. - Al -Muttanabi

When Marcel Marceau said "Do not the most moving moments of our lives find us without words?" I assume he wasn't all that excited at the time. - John Alejandro King

It’s not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not. - Author Unknown

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. - Tom Waits

For man there are only three important events: birth, life and death; but he is unaware of being born, he suffers when he dies, and he forgets to live. -Jean de la Bruyere

Life is the childhood of our immortality. - Goethe

Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box. - Italian saying

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. -Winston Churchill

The truth is not so much that man has conscience, as that conscience has man. - Dorner

A champion is someone who gets up, even when he can't. -Jack Dempsey

Though ambition itself is a vice, it is often the parent of virtues. - Quintilian A.D. 80

Be slow in choosing a friend, but slower in changing him. - Scottish saying

He who is not impatient is not in love. - Italian saying

Everyone is wise until he speaks. - Irish saying

Pay no attention to what the critics say. A statue has never been erected in honor of a critic. - Jean Sibelius

Nothing raises the price of a blessing like its removal; whereas, it was its continuance which should have taught us its value. - H. Moore

Ambition is the last refuge of the failure. - Oscar Wilde

Bad is never good until worse happens. - Danish saying

Really think hard about what you want to do, because when you're doing what you want to do is probably when you'll be doing your best. And pray it is not a hobby so they'll pay you for it. - Rush Limbaugh

Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. - T. S. Eliot

As long as you're going to think anyway, think big. - Donald Trump

The pursuit of truth shall set you free - even if you never catch up with it. - Clarence Darrow

The greatest truths are the simplest; and so are the greatest men. - Julius C. Hare

As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.- Josh Billings

If you want happiness for an hour – take a nap. If you want happiness for a day – go fishing. If you want happiness for a month – get married. If you want happiness for a year – inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime – help someone else. - Chinese saying

A narrow neck keeps the bottle from being emptied in one swig. - Irish saying

It doesn't work to leap a twenty-foot chasm in two ten-foot jumps. - American saying

If I were given the opportunity to present a gift to the next generation, it would be the ability for each individual to learn to laugh at himself. - Charles Shultz

Markets can stay irrational longer than you can stay solvent. - John Maynard Keynes

Science is always wrong. It never solves a problem without creating ten more. - George Bernard Shaw

Humor to a man is like a feather pillow. It is filled with what is easy to get but gives great comfort. - Irish Saying

Love makes time pass; time makes love pass. - French Saying

A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny. -Buster Keaton

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. - Peter Ustinov

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. - Will Rogers

Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead. - Chinese saying

To believe in one's dreams is to spend all of one's life asleep. - Chinese saying

I don’t mind living in a man’s world as long as I can be a woman in it. - Marilyn Monroe

You can’t be truly rude until you understand good manners. - Rita Mae Brown

During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act- George Orwell

No matter how good you get you can always get better and that's the exciting part. -Tiger Woods

The greatest achievements were at first and for a time dreams. The oak sleeps in the acorn.  -James Allen

The lure of the distant and the difficult is deceptive.  The great opportunity is where you are.  -John Burroughs

A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds. - Francis Bacon

When one door closes another door opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the ones which open for us.  - Alexander Graham Bell

I believe that banking  institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all property until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered. - Thomas Jefferson

It's great to be great, but it's greater to be human. - Will Rogers

The chief obstacle to the progress of the human race is the human race. - Donald Marquis

Wife and children are a kind of discipline of humanity. - Francis Bacon

Heredity: the thing a child gets from the other side of the family. - Marcelene Cox

Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did. - Newt Gingrich

The saints are the sinners who keep going. - Robert Louis Stevenson

My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure. - Abe Lincoln

Take spring when it comes, and rejoice.  Take happiness when it comes, and rejoice. Take love when it comes, and rejoice. - Carl Ewald

Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life. - Lord Byron

Adam invented love at first sight, one of the greatest labor-saving machines the world ever saw. - Josh Billings

Love: Two minds without a single thought. - Philip Barry

Its A funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it. - Somerset Maugham

Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. - Abe Lincoln

To live is so startling it leaves time for little else. - Emily Dickinson

The reason people blame things on the previous generations is that there's only one other choice. - Doug Larson

No man can be wise on an empty stomach. - George Eliot

Among mortals second thoughts are wisest. - Euripides

A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off more than he can chew. - Herb Caen

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. - Mark Twain

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people.  - G.K. Chesterton

A neurosis is a secret that you don't know you are keeping. - Kenneth Tynan

I believe that professional wrestling is clean and everything else in the world is fixed. - Frank Deford

Where all think alike, no one thinks very much. - Walter Lippmann

It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. - Bertrand Russell

Kissing is a means of getting two people so close together that they can't see anything wrong with each other. - Rene Yasenek

The pleasures of ignorance are as great, in their way, as the pleasures of knowledge. - Aldous Huxley

Men may not get all they pay for in this world; but they must certainly pay for all they get. - Frederick Douglas

Before we work on artificial intelligence why don't we do something about natural stupidity? - Steve Polyak

A friend is someone who kows you but loves you just the same - Elbert Hubbard

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